While those few of you who read my blogs are aware that I am in school trying to get my degree in journalism, a lot of you probably don’t realize that for most of my life, since I was ten years old, I have had an aspiration to be a fiction writer. In fact, I have written far more fiction than non, and it is still my strong desire to see my fiction published.
Several years ago I started working on my fiction after a more than ten year layoff, in fact, I quit my job at While Away Books in order to pursue this dream. All went well as far as production went, I wrote over four hundred pages and ten stories or so, and I was surprised at how much I had improved since the last time I had written a story. I guess age and maturity helps.
As well as the production aspect of my writing went, I still discovered that I has the same blocks sending my work to a publisher. I really have this big, scary wall that has always been a major obstacle for me. I am deathly afraid to…succeed. It’s funny, I don’t give a shit about rejection, I am used to it and it doesn’t even phase me. When I think about my work actually taking off and having some success, I feel terrified. I am not certain why. Once, many years ago, a counselor told me that he thought that I had learned to be a ‘successful failure’ in my life, and while that may sound terrible and insulting, it is, in fact, the truth. We can learn to be comfortable in almost any situation, even ones that outwardly don’t seem could be remotely comfortable.
In any case, before I really had much of a chance to overcome this obstacle, both my computers died, and that was that. I do not write longhand, I find it really difficult to sustain, partially because of the pain in my hands caused by writing, but also, I can keep up with my thoughts so much better when I type, simply because I type so much faster. And maybe it is the Aspie in me, but I really like the feel of typing.
So now I have a computer again, my stories are back on, and I am beginning to work on them again. I have been bookmarking on-line horror sites to send my work to. I think that over the course of the next two weeks I will send a story off. It is just so much easier to do now. In the past, you had to print out your stories, doing it in just the right way, sending off queries and it was generally a lot more complicated. Now, you do still have to send off queries to some places, but with the ease of sending things electronically, I believe for me this is a good thing. It is less overwhelming.
I am determined to do it now. I believe the quality of my work speaks for itself. I am less afraid of success now, something that climbing has taught me a lot about. So I am going to re-write the stories I already have written and begin work on the hundred-plus ideas I have written down in my ‘little black book’, and I am going to start flooding the market with my work. I am forty now, getting close to forty one, and it is far past time I put away my fears of success and just freaking fulfilled what has long felt like my destiny: To be a successful writer.