Well, it has now been three days since my beloved daughter Zoe attempted suicide. She has been in the Provo Canyon Behavioral Hospital during that time, and apparently, all is going well. She has been learning coping skills and seems quite happy there. Of course, at this point, I am somewhat suspicious of her happiness because she had pretended that she was happy in the weeks leading up to her attempt (and had been planning on it all along.) Still, I am hopeful she will find a renewed sense of purpose and life after her stay there.
As for myself, I am…okay. The day after this happened, I felt very, very positive and hopeful, and found a new sense of purpose. But I also went right back to work the day after we returned from Provo and worked something like seventeen hours in two days. By yesterday the cracks in the dam had begun to appear and my emotions started going on a roller coaster ride. By the time I got home yesterday, I was a wreck again. There is only so long one can be strong, and yesterday I needed to let down my guard, take off the armor and let some of that pain out. It felt good to do so.
Today we are going to drive north again and go see her. I miss Zoe so much, so it will be wonderful to see her if only for an hour or so.